Happy Easter, everyone! I hope you’re all having a lovely long weekend. For those of you who are working over the Easter Holidays, I will keep you in my thoughts! ♥
No writing challenge answers this week. Today’s blog post consists of Important Life Updates:
I’ve moved house!
Yes, it’s true. I’ve temporarily moved back in with my parents whilst I wait for the sale of my boyfriend’s flat to go through. I can’t say how long I’ll be here for, but I’ve been made to feel very welcome and today was the first day since Tuesday (the day I moved out) that I’ve actually begun to feel truly settled. Throughout the whole of March I’ve essentially been AN ENORMOUS BALL OF STRESS and I can only apologise to all who encountered me during that time and had to put up with me and my madness.
I’m glad it’s over now and can get stuck back into the thing I love to do most…
For those who’ve been following my blog for a while, you’ll know I’m massively behind with the deadline for finishing my WIP, The Mayor. I originally intended to finish Draft One by the end of December, but had to push the deadline back until the end of February for the sake of my mental health (see here). That revised deadline went completely out the window when I started going through the process of selling my home, plus I began having serious self-doubt along with Anxiety-triggering frustration over my complete inability to finish my manuscript. Going on a really nice holiday for two weeks at the beginning of March helped me out a lot; I didn’t touch my manuscript once the whole time I was gone, and when I came back I felt refreshed and excited, ready to finish everything off. I had a really productive week in the middle of March playing around with my deliciously cruel penultimate chapter… only for reality to set back in that I needed to start packing, stat.
Basically, March was a complete write-off as far as writing was concerned, but April is a new month, a new start. I’m in a new place where I have fewer responsibilities to shoulder all by myself (house maintenance, cooking, cleaning etc.), plus I’m genuinely excited to get to grips with the last two chapters and very short epilogue. Wish me luck.
Once I’m finished (please, God, let it be soon), I’m going to take a break — maybe write a novella about my character Jonathan Carson — whilst K.F. Goodacre takes to my work with razor-sharp scalpel and hammers my words into some semblance of a manageable pile.
Speaking of K.F. Goodacre, it seems her talents know no bounds! As a belated birthday present, she very kindly made me my protagonist Melora in doll form… Behold! She is exquisite:
Melora joins another doll made for me by K.F. Goodacre — my character Jonathan Carson. Don’t they look great together? I’m so in love. Raise your hand if you think Kim needs to start her own Etsy account making dolls of other people’s characters for money? *Hand shoots up*. Thank you so much, Parabatai! ♥
Note: The John doll is a couple of years old now. The character’s ethnicity has changed since its creation and as such, his skin should actually be much darker than what’s shown here. Kim’s assured me she will, at some point, flay John’s skin off and replace it with something more fitting. He’s got to match his brother Jaspher, after all. Watch this space…
Kamelot‘s new album The Shadow Theory is out next week. OMG. I’m so, so, so EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially since they dropped their (brilliant) new single last Friday entitled ‘The Phantom Divine (Shadow Empire)’, featuring Lauren Hart from melodic death metal band, Once Human. CHECK. IT. OWT:
Can’t wait. Simply can’t, can’t wait. Will explode from teh squee. Super excite! BRING ON LONDON IN OCTOBER ♥
Last year when I did my annual review, I talked about how I felt as though I’d sleepwalked through the whole of 2016 (click here). I didn’t write, didn’t exercise, felt like I was sinking beneath a mountain of debt and like I’d never amount to anything. Amidst a pretty depressing backdrop of political upheaval, numerous celebrity deaths and an overwhelming sense of generational pessimism, it’s no wonder I felt so low.
BUT! I’m very pleased to report that 2017 could not have been more different. I made 3 New Years Resolutions and made excellent progress with every single one:
1. I trained my arse off and took part in Tough Mudder London South(and signed up again to take part next year).
2. I put my flat on the market and have successfully managed to find a buyer (I’m looking to move somewhere new with my boyfriend in early 2018).
3. And, most excitingly of all, at the time of writing I have added a whopping 76,088 words to The Mayor, with more to come before the year is out. Amazing! I’m on track to complete Book 1 before my new deadline of 28 February 2018.
The world is still a political clusterfuck of awful, but I’ve been patiently and steadfastly tending to my little patch and things are beginning to grow ♥
1. Album that surpassed all others:
Will To Power by Arch Enemy
What. An. Album. A tremendous follow-up to War Eternal, Arch Enemy take their sound to new dizzying heights with their new guitarist Jeff Loomis and Alissa White-Gluz’s effortlessly versatile vocals. I don’t think there’s a single bad track on this album, but my favourite moments — hands down — have got to be:
Alissa’s delivery of “Get the guards and walk a dozen paces” in the gut-wrenchingly harrowing ‘First Day In Hell’; a tribute to her grandparents who survived a Nazi Concentration Camp.
The towering, sweeping empowerment of album closer, ‘A Fight I Must Win’.
The effortless slide from clean to harsh vocals in ‘Reason To Believe’ (the first clean vocals to ever feature on an Arch Enemy album).
Favourite tracks: ‘First Day In Hell’, ‘A Fight I Must Win’, ‘Blood In The Water’, ‘Reason To Believe’
2. Most missed artists:
Although Rasputina had an album out this year (The Feel Good Hits of 1817), I’ve come to realise that I sincerely miss the band they used to be. Melora Creager is making a concerted effort to completely remove herself from the internet, thus making anything new she puts out extremely difficult to get hold of. She’s vowed to make everything US Mail Order-only from now on i.e. no ordering online, no Paypal, no digital downloads and extremely limited pressings.
Whilst I totally get where Melora is coming from here (she got catfished quite spectacularly and it’s clearly messed with her quite badly), I do find her efforts unintentionally discriminate against fans who live abroad. For example, if she’d gone through with her original intention to make The Feel Good Hits of 1817 US Mail Order-only, it would have cost me £25 just to take out an international postal order, plus the cost of shipping which is $17 for an LP, $10 for a CD, plus the price of the album… a whopping total of $60-$70 for an album that was mostly covers and re-releases anyway. CRAZY!
But y’know, I’ll probably end up paying it anyway, because I’m a die-hard fan and will support this woman ’til the day I die. It just makes me infinitely sad that my favourite artists (like Melora Creager, Abney Park, Voltaire) rally so hard against the internet when I am literally only aware of their music because I discovered it through the internet in the first place ♥
3. Album that really surprised me:
Heart Shaped Wound by Aurelio Voltaire
Surprising because of how personal it is!
Heart Shaped Wound contains a number of songs about gothic-folk musician Aurelio Voltaire’s tumultuous three-month relationship with an internet-famous cosplayer shortly after his divorce.
I distinctly remember Voltaire’s Instagram posts from around this time. Every single day he was posting pictures of himself with this young woman, shouting from the rooftops about how much he loved her, whilst she clearly didn’t feel the same way.
So when I heard the lyrics, “You get a tiny matching tattoo on that pristine canvas four decades new to impress a walking ransom note who’s got more ink than all the plays that Shakespeare wrote”, I did a double-take because I knew precisely who and what that song was about. Usually I’m not a fan of break-up songs. I mean, I don’t know the full story, but if any man came on to me that strong and then wrote an album about me after I broke up with him, I’d be pretty peeved! But hey, the music is good and Alissa White-Gluz features on one of the tracks… so hooray!
Favourite tracks: ‘The Folly of Love’, ‘Leaves In The Stream’ (feat. Alissa White-Gluz), ‘Human Nature’
4. Person I would most like to have tea with:
The inimitable Victoria Schwab. I’ve spoken at length before about how much I love this woman and why, so click here to learn more!
5. The things I’ve completely had enough of:
The orange baby. Brexit. The rise of Nazism and the empowerment of the far-right. Theresa fucking May. Nigel “Garbage Fire” Farage. The political landscape in general. This whole year has been one huge political clusterfuck and it doesn’t look like it’s going away soon. Must. Stay. Strong.
6. The thing I wish I had bought myself but didn’t:
A Summer holiday. Mark and I went to Colombia very, very early on in the year (an… interesting experience), so by the time Summer rolled around, everyone else was disappearing off abroad whilst I was stuck at work with a broken air-con. It sucked.
I. CANNOT. CHOOSE. BETWEEN THESE. THREE BOOKS. OMG.
A Darker Shade Of Magic by V.E. Schwab (Magic! Princes! Pirates!) Assassin’s Fate by Robin Hobb (Magic! Princes! Pirates!) A Court Of Mist And Fury by Sarah J. Maas (Magic! Princes! Faerie porn!)
8. Album that stirred my soul:
Ritual by In This Moment
Another album devoid of a single bad track. Though I confess myself a little disappointed at the complete lack of heavy vocals, Ritual is a stunning exercise in exquisite song-craft. From the galloping stampede of heavy-metal ‘Black Wedding’ (featuring Rob Halford of Judas Priest), to the beautiful vulnerability of ‘Twin Flames’. Ritual impresses again and again and again. Plus every other song seems to be about setting someone on fire; my villain William Kale would have an absolute field day.
Favourite tracks: ‘Roots’, ‘Joan of Arc’, ‘Black Wedding’ (feat. Rob Halford), ‘Twin Flames’
9. Album that made me smile:
Kingslayer by Almanac
I mean, with cover art like that how can you not smile?
Markedly leaning more towards the power side of symphonic metal than their previous effort, Almanac have once again delivered a stonker of an album with Kingslayer. This was a solid contender for ‘Album that surpassed all others’, very nearly knocking Will To Power off the top spot.
Favourite tracks: ‘Regicide’, ‘Hail To The King’, ‘Last Farewell’, ‘Guilty As Charged’
10. Most stylish person:
Edgar has been rocking his winter coat this year. He has essentially become an explosion of fur.
Such a majestic fluffbutt.
11. Best ‘thing’:
Successfully rescuing my boyfriend’s niece’s cat Dolly after she went missing for 10 whole weeks. I lost so much sleep over this, it was so distressing! She was incredibly shy and nervous cat, even before she escaped; she’d never set foot outside before, flat-out refusing to come when called; and, because her owners live over a pub, she was too terrified to come home with so many strangers about.
Thankfully, my boyfriend spotted her hiding out in the local field and we set a trap for her. We checked back after couple of hours and there she was! Terrified and very thin but otherwise perfectly healthy. We could hardly believe it!
She’s now back home now, safe and sound, and apparently has become much more confident and affectionate since her ordeal ♥
Also Mark and our friend Ant discovered the joy of The Panic Room this year!
So far we have successfully completed the Lovecraft-themed ‘The Gilman Hotel’ (i.e. the best escape room ever), ‘Old Father Time’ and ‘Defective Detective’. We’re booked in to do ‘The Dollhouse’ next… God knows why. It’s a horror-themed room and I’m a wimp; I could hardly handle Gilman!
I cannot recommend these guys enough! They have two locations: one in Gravesend and one in Harlow.
12. Favourite visual feast:
The Loot Train Attack scene in Game of Thrones (S7:E4). WOWZA. Chills. Here’s a cool video on the making of it:
13. Best fictional character since Sirius Black:
This year is the year I became obsessed with a bat-winged faerie prince called Rhysand. Click here to read a little bit more about him; he’s the most recent addition to my list of Top 10 Book Boyfriends.
14. Coolest rock star:
Victoria Schwab. Wait, what do you mean she’s not a rock star?!
QUEEN. See my answer to Question 4 above.
15. Best gig:
It’s a toss-up between going to see Evanescence at the Eventim Apollo (14 June 2017) for the sheer nostalgia value, or Amaranthe at the Islington Assembly Hall (3 November 2017). So much crackling energy and a stellar setlist!
Sadly I never got round to writing a review for either of these events because I’ve been so busy squirrelling away at The Mayor. I hope to be able to write more gig reviews in 2018 once Book One of The Mayor is complete.
16. Most special moment:
My long-weekend away with my boyfriend in November. We visited the wonderful ‘Terry Pratchett: His World’ exhibition in Salisbury, saw the Magna Carter, and took in the gorgeous Georgian architecture and Roman baths of Bath.
17. Song of the year:
‘Roots’ by In This Moment has become my anthem for 2017.
18. Biggest achievement:
Without a doubt the hardest thing (physically) I’ve ever had to do in my life. I laughed. I cried. I almost died. Nothing can compare to the sheer elation and sense of accomplishment upon crossing that finish line!
Best Obstacle: Block Ness Monster
Worst Obstacle: Arctic Enema (BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE)
19. Biggest regret:
Je ne regrette rien.
20. New Year’s Resolutions:
Complete Book One of The Mayor
Complete a second draft of The Mayor
Move in with my boyfriend and our menagerie of animals
Bonus! Instagram’s #2017 Best Nine:
Happy New Year!
For more information on items, people or bands mentioned in this post, please click the below links:
I’m not going to make my end of year deadline to complete a first draft of The Mayor.
Here’s the situation:
In a previous post (see here), I explained how I still had 8 more chapters left to write, and was aiming to finish a chapter a week.
Well, this plan fell on the wayside pretty quickly, because it took me 3 weeks to complete just one chapter told from the POV of my villain.
Now, I’ve spoken before about how hard Kale is to write in the past; understatement of the century as I’m concerned. This particular chapter was even harder, because it dealt with long-awaited revelations, violent payoffs and a fuck-ton of allegory. Add that to real-world, catatonia-inducing stress (I decided that now, just before Christmas, would be the perfect time to sell my house for some stupid reason), and you can imagine how hard it was for me to sit down and force those words out.
As for the 4-day writing retreat with K.F. Goodacre? Productive as it was (I’d probably still be stuck on that Kale chapter if I hadn’t gone), it was only 2 days long, not 4.
So I still have 5 chapters left to write, and less than 4 weeks to write them.
I have shed actual tears over this. I have had anxiety attacks. I’ve felt like a complete failure and like I was letting not only myself down, but other people as well: my writing partner; my boyfriend, my friends who read what I write as I go along…
But the other night while I was having a shower (it’s amazing how much a nice hot shower clears my head), I had an epiphany:
I’m not being paid to do this. I’m not published. I don’t have an agent. I’m not locked in a contract. I don’t have any obligations beyond the ridiculously high standards I’ve foolishly set for myself.
It’s the festive season. I usually love Christmas, but this year so far, I haven’t been enjoying it at all, because I’ve been so wrapped up in worrying about how I’m not going to meet my deadline on top of work stuff, house stuff, money worries, and other things I can’t control. I can however control my deadline. Why? Because it’s self-imposed.
Most of my writing happens at the weekend… but I’m fully-booked from now until Christmas. I do not want to be resenting the fact that I’m spending time with the people I love — or worse yet cancelling on them at the last minute — because of a self-imposed deadline.
This last month has been a struggle. A real struggle, mental health-wise. This wasn’t helped by the fact I didn’t win NaNoWriMo, even though I knew there wasn’t a chance in Hell that I would when I started. WHY, BRAIN?! WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?
Throw a lapsed deadline and a failed 2017 New Year’s Resolution into the mix, and at this point I’m running pretty close to throwing in the towel altogether. My finger is practically hovering over the delete button, Guys, and that is not good! THAT IS NOT GOOD AT ALL. (I’ve actually done this before with a previous WIP, and have regretted it ever since).
If I’m objectively honest with myself, I’ve done amazingly well this year. I’ve written almost 75,000 words of my novel — more than I’ve ever written in a single year in my life — all while maintaining a household, caring for two cats, and holding down a full-time job. I’m within touching distance of the finish line, so to fall at the last hurdle would be an absolute tragedy.
Therefore I’ve made the difficult decision to extend my deadline by 2 months. Instead of 31 December 2017, I will now be aiming to have a first draft completed by 28 February 2018. (This is actually a pretty excessive deadline — I should in theory be able to do it in one).
I hope you guys aren’t too disappointed in me. I’m so sorry to have let you down if you were excited about the prospect of me finishing, but I think it will totally worth it in the end because I will actually have a story to share with you ♥
P.S. Just so this post isn’t entirely disappointing and depressing… here are some random things I’m really loving at the moment that I want to share with you!
Books: The Six Of Crows duology by Leigh Bardugo — a New Adult heist story set in a fantasy world based on 19th century Tsarist Russia. It has a wonderfully diverse cast with some great characterisation — and the story is so much fun! I just don’t want it to end.
Music:Kingslayer by symphonic power-metal band, Almanac — especially the opening track, ‘Regicide’:
On the morning after the king has lost his crown,
Only tears and laughter come together now.
When my senses fail us, I’ll fade without a sound.
When I see you fail I’ll break in to break you down.
Also the album art is great. It’s so, so good; currently tied with Arch Enemy‘s Will To Power for my personal Favourite Album of the Year, 2017.
Lipsticks: ‘Naked Witch‘ by the lovely ladies at Necromancy Cosmetica. At last! I can now make myself look like a ghost without using my foundation as a lipstick! Their palest nude ‘Healing Stone‘ is simply gorgeous too. I love them both. Love love love.
I’m also super amazed at how — despite being without power for 90+ days (being based in the hurricane-stricken Puerto Rico) — they were still able to safely ship my order to me in a matter of days ♥
I have just over 2 months left to finish my first draft of The Mayor.
In an attempt to be positive about this, I’ve worked out the following:
According to my current plan, I only have 8 more chapters left to write.
Two of these ‘chapters’ are actually 1-2 page ‘interludes’.
I’m about halfway through one of these 8 chapters already.
I have a 4 day ‘writing retreat’ with K.F. Goodacre booked towards the end of November. The pseudo writing-retreat I took at the beginning of October resulted in 2 and a half chapters in just 4 days, so that bodes well.
So technically, that’s just 5 and a half more chapters I have left to write, plus 2 short interludey, epiloguey thingies… I’m currently aiming to complete at least a chapter a week so… that’s totally doable, right? I CAN DO THIS!
Today I got back from the booziest family/long-weekend holiday ever, and I didn’t get any writing done at all. So consequently I’m feeling pretty low and rubbish at the moment. It could very well be the hangover talking.
PLEASE SEND ME POSITIVE, ENCOURAGING THOUGHTS, YOU GUYS. I NEED THEM ♥
P.S. Philip Pullman’s The Book of Dust is now in my possession, I repeat, THE BOOK OF DUST IS NOW IN MY POSSESSION ♥ I picked it up from Waterstones today. Have you got your paws on a copy yet? Have you finished it? Ahhhhh, I’m so excited! I feel like I’ve been waiting my entire life for this.
The ‘Deadline’ comic strip is by the wonderful Sarah Andersen aka. Sarah Scribbles. The other two graphics are sadly sourceless — please let me know if they are yours and would like to be credited, or for the image to be removed.
This July, I won my first ever Camp NaNoWriMo. I feel like I keep participating in these events and failing — which is rather disheartening — so this time I made sure to set myself a realistic goal that I could meet despite having a full-time job, a boyfriend, and a family to placate. The aim was to write for the equivalent of 1 hour for every day of the month of July. It worked! I smashed it, I had fun, and I’m just that little bit closer to meeting my self-imposed 31st December 2017 deadline for completing a first draft of The Mayor. Hazzah!
Something else cool, my writing partner K.F. Goodacre recently attended a medieval festival called the Loxwood Joust. First of all, can I just say how jealous I am. I love all things medieval (I read Medieval History at University) so it is my fervent hope that I am able to go with her next time. It looked like such amazing fun!
Whilst she was there, she very kindly picked up some homemade gingernut biscuits for me, which were made according to a recipe from the 18th century. The true thoughtfulness of this gesture will be lost on you, Dear Reader, so I will endeavour to explain. Melora — the 18th century protagonist of The Mayor — adores gingernut biscuits. They are her absolute favourite, and I use them as a neat little device for helping her to form bonds with other characters. Kim knew this, so she bought them for me from this festival (not very medieval, I know, but still historical I guess!). They’re so awesome, I’m almost reluctant to eat them. Almost.
As if that weren’t enough, she also gifted me with a genuine pirate doubloon from a company she has forgotten the name of (I’m trying to find out) who have helped provide productions like Game of Thrones and Pirates of the Caribbean with their props. Lookie!
OK, it’s not actually a doubloon. Real doubloons were made of gold. This is essentially the pirate equivalent of a penny, but it is still beautiful! I love it. It looks very similar to the necklace that my character Nell Shoar wears, wouldn’t you agree?:
Thank you so much, Kimothy! ♥ I knew you were my writing partner for a reason. Thank you for continuing to inspire and motivate me to write this blasted thing.
Lastly (slightly off-topic) Voltaire’s new album Heart-Shaped Wound dropped on Friday. It. Is. Awesome. Voltaire, for those of you not in the know, is huge news on the Goth scene and his piratey album To The Bottom of the Sea features heavily on the playlist for The Mayor. Decidedly more melancholic and personal than the likes of say, ‘Zombie Prostitute’ and ‘Brains!’, I strongly recommend Heart-Shaped Wound. Please check it out here — it’s on sale and you won’t regret it! It even features the likes of incredible metal vocalist Alissa White-Gluz (now there’s a musical collaboration I definitely didn’t see coming! It’s so good to hear her singing cleans again).
I have a confession to make, Dear Readers. It is this: I am a serial cheat.
I have a boyfriend, it is true. A real-life, living and breathing boyfriend whom I love very deeply. He is all I could ever ask for — and more. He makes me very happy indeed.
But there are Others.
Yes, Mark, my dear, the truth is, I’ve been having it off with ten other people behind your back. Some of them I was even seeing before I started dating you. Unfortunately for me — but very fortunately for you — none of them actually exist. They are not real. They are fictional.
They are my Book Boyfriends.
So, in the spirit of my writing partner K.F. Goodacre’s Top Ten Tuesdays, I have compiled a list of 10 men (mostly) from the world of literature who have captured my heart in various ways. Here they are in no particular order:
Rhysand from A Court Of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas
ETA September 2017: For the first time since writing this post, I have actually had to move a Book Boyfriend off the list (see below… way below) in order to make room for a new one…
If you’d have told me back in July/August 2017 when I was still reading A Court Of Thorns and Roses (Book One in the eponymous trilogy by Sarah J. Maas) that Rhysand — feared and reviled High Lord of the Night Court — would feature on my list of Book Boyfriends, I’d have laughed in your face. He who sent severed heads to the Spring Court as a mere taunt. He who plied the protagonist with faerie wine, dressed her in cobwebs and forced her to dance upon his lap. He who forced her lover to kneel before him and beg him to spare her life. Who forced the protagonist into a bargain marked upon her flesh that would require her to spend one week of every month with him for the rest of her life, like some twisted bat-winged Hades.
“I don’t get why everyone loves Rhysand,” I remember texting K.F. Goodacre as I was nearing the end of A Court of Thorns and Roses. “Literally do not get it. He’s not just awful. He’s vile.”
Au contraire! Along comes Book Two: A Court Of Mist and Fury, and it turns out there’s a second-meaning behind literally everything Rhysand does. He: respects women; encourages independent thought; is not controlling or abusive (seriously, I can say this with full sincerity even after the reprehensible actions I describe above); does not withhold information; really cares about his people; campaigns for equality; lives by what he preaches; takes responsibility for his mistakes; doesn’t stick his head in the sand about matters of life threatening importance; utterly self-sacrificing in every respect; super intelligent; really quite sarcastic and funny; good looking; sexy as hell; filthy in bed.
He is literally perfect. He has no flaws. None. And that is why he has catapulted himself to the top of my list of Book Boyfriends and why bat wings are a huge turn-on for me now.
“Rhysand is the most handsome High Lord. Rhysand is the most delightful High Lord. Rhysand is the most cunning High Lord…”
Jamie Fraser from Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
Jamie Fraser’s inclusion on this list will come as a surprise to precisely no one who has read Diana Gabaldon’s time-travelling epic historical romance novel, Outlander (published under its original title of Cross Stitch in the UK and Australia).A Scottish warrior from 1743, Jamie Fraser is the husband of the book’s protagonist, Claire Randall (née Beauchamp) — a combat nurse from 1945. I know it sounds mad, but trust me, it works.
Essentially written to be the perfect man, Jamie is passionate, headstrong and incredibly brave. He will not hesitate to put himself in mortal peril to protect his family and the woman he loves, and can take more punishment than a Nokia 3310. Wickedly funny and hilariously stubborn, reading Jamie bash heads with the comparatively modern sensibilities of his wife is so much fun to read. To top it all off, he swears like a sailor, looks good naked and is extremely generous between the sheets. What’s not to love?
If you cannot be bothered to read the book, I strongly recommend Starz excellent TV adaption of Outlander where Jamie is played to absolute perfection by the very talented Sam Heughan (pictured above).
Captain Kennit from The Liveship Traders by Robin Hobb
Oh, Kennit. Ours has been a… rocky relationship to say the least. You are by far the most controversial character to feature on this list, and considering it also includes two skeletons — literally — that is really saying something.
From the very first chapter of Ship of Magic — the first book in Robin Hobb’s stunning The Liveship Traders trilogy — I fell in love with her beloved pirate captain. Charismatic, handsome and impressive to all who meet him, Kennit’s only ambition is to possess a liveship and become King of the Pirate Isles and woe betide anyone who stands in his way. Though Kennit’s actions are outwardly benevolent and his knack for cultivating the affections of others unrivalled, his manner is relentlessly cold and utterly devoid of empathy. With a horrifying past that is only revealed to the reader in gradual snippets, he is driven to commit an act so repulsively abhorrent that anyone ‘in the know’ is likely screaming at me right now, demanding to know why I put him on this list.
The truth is, I cannot help it. I loved being inside Kennit’s head. I loved reading about him, loved wondering what the hell he was going to do next, how he was going to get out of this scrape or that, how he was going to keep up his web of lies. I fell in love with him for the same reasons Etta, Wintrow and the rest of his crew did; I was manipulated to do so. Damn you, Robin Hobb…
As a side-note, Kennit is by far the most compelling and complex villain I have ever, ever read. Not only that, but he remains to this day my favourite ever fictional character.
Kell Maresh from Shades of Magic by V.E. Schwab
Everyone’s favourite Black-Eyed Prince, Kell is the most recent addition to my list of Book Boyfriends. In fact, at the time of writing, I still haven’t read the final book in V.E. Schwab’s Shades of Magic trilogy (A Conjuring Of Light), but nevertheless, Kell still features because he’s just that attractive. I absolutely adore him.
Kell is what is known as an Antari, or Traveller; a two-of-a-kind magician with a rare ability to travel between parallel worlds connected by the city of London. Magic surges so strongly in an Antari that they are marked with one completely black eye devoid of iris or sclera. Disliking the admiring looks he gets from some and the fearful reactions he gets from others, Kell chooses to hide his mark behind a fringe of red hair. Raised as a prince in his home world of Red London, he also serves as an interdimensional messenger between the monarchs and practises a bit of smuggling on the side. It is this latter practise that lands him in trouble with potentially world-breaking consequences.
Kell’s appeal lies in his overwhelming desire to do the Right Thing, regardless of the enormous personal cost. He is fiercely protective of his little brother, the Crown Prince Rhy, as well as highly intelligent, endearingly strong-willed and an exceptionally snappy dresser. He also has a serious knack for triggering ‘Florence Nightingale’ syndrome in me by being unfairly treated by his step-father King Maxim on a regular basis and routinely taking a few life-threatening knocks. Come here, Kell. I’ll turn that perpetual frown of yours upside down…
Aragorn from Lord Of The Rings by J.R.R. Tolkein
Confession time: Aragorn probably wouldn’t feature on this list if it wasn’t for Viggo Mortensen’s jaw-dropping (and rather attractive) performance in Peter Jackson’s cinematic adaption of Lord Of The Rings (2001-2003). I have tried to read Tolkein’s book no less than three times and it was only on the third attempt that I finally managed to struggle through to the end. The character of Aragorn — or “Strider” as he is more commonly referred to by the hobbit protagonists — was one of the highlights of my reading.
Aragorn’s appeal comes from the contrast between his outwardly scruffy appearance and his high birth (“All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost…”). He is a fearsome warrior who protects the hobbits to the very best of his ability, as Frodo-and-Friends’ mission to cast the Ring into the fires of Mount Doom conveniently coincides with his own mission to a) take his place as the rightful King of Gondor and b) win the hand of his elf love Arwen, whose father has refused permission for him to marry unless he fulfils the latter. Tolkein wrote Aragorn to be a hero in the truest sense. As such, he is essentially flawless.
Here is an extract from my reviewof The Fellowship of the Ring, which tells you all you need to know about my feelings for Aragorn:
But then Strider happened at the Prancing Pony. And there were Ring Wraiths. And daring escapes and near-death experiences. And Rivendell. And Strider. Did I mention Strider? Seriously. Strider. Strider, Strider, Strider.
Fun fact! Aragorn and I share a personality type: INFJ. Clearly we were meant to be…
Skulduggery Pleasant from Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy
Here he is; the first skeleton on my list. And you thought I was joking…
Skulduggery Pleasant is the “skeleton detective” dual-protagonist of Derek Landy’s nine-book series, Skulduggery Pleasant. Skulduggery became a skeleton when the evil sorcerer Nefarian Serpine killed his wife and child in front of him, tortured then killed him… only he didn’t do it properly. Somehow Skulduggery was able to pull himself back together and has been terrorising bad guys in Ireland ever since.
In his own words — for I am sure that is how he would most like to be described — Skulduggery is “sophisticated, suave and debonair” as well as a wise-cracking element-wielding sorcerer and flamboyant egotist. Though he has no body, is borderline insane and y’know… dead… Skulduggery’s dogged determination, strategic brilliance and laugh-out-loud one-liners make my heart soar. Plus if you can’t sleep for fear of being shunted into an alternate dimension where everyone wants to kill you, he’ll stay by your bedside and sing you to sleep with that lovely velvet voice of his. Be still my heart ♥
Mark Blackthorn from The Dark Artifaces by Cassandra Clare
You can keep your Herondales, your Carstairses and your Lightwoods. Me? I favour a Blackthorn; Mark Blackthorn to be precise. “First the flame and then the flood…”
The only non-straight character appearing on my list (unless you count the dangerously-repressed Captain Kennit which I absolutely do), Mark Blackthorn is half faerie, half Shadowhunter — a secret race of humans descended from angels who hunt demons. Following events in City of Heavenly Fire (Book 6 in The Mortal Instruments series), Mark is stolen away from his Shadowhunting family, the Blackthorns, and given over to the Fair Folk to become a prisoner of the Wild Hunt*. In Lady Midnight (Book 1 of The Dark Artifaces) the Fair Folk spit Mark back out again in exchange for the Blackthorns’ help in defeating a common enemy. Although perhaps Mark has been with the Wild Hunt for too long…
Mark is a prime example of a great character in a bad book. Lady Midnight was so poorly written that reading it made my head hurt, but Mark’s presence — in addition to all the Edgar Allan Poe references — was what made me grin and bear it. Pretty and puckish with a sarcasm detector that could rival that of Drax the Destroyer for ineffectiveness, Mark “[speaks] like a poem and [walks] like a dance”. Torn between his love for his family and that of the faerie prince Kieran of the Unseelie Court, Mark’s struggle to find his place in the Shadow world is palpable and just makes me want to give him a cuddle (yep, ‘Florence Nightingale Syndrome’ again, I’m a sucker for it). Plus, the delivery of one particular line of dialogue — the infamous “Why lie?” — made me positively squirm with sordid glee. I am looking forward to seeing how that panned out when the sequel Lord of Shadows is released later this month.
*K.F. Goodacre has a series surrounding the Wild Hunt called The Wild Hunt Chronicles. I’d tell you to check them out but she hasn’t written them yet, so instead I will tell you to watch this space…
Death from Discworld by Terry Pratchett
Here we are then at skeleton no. 2, and not just any skeleton but the Grim Reaper himself. Death is one of the main characters in Terry Pratchett’s fantabulous Discworld series and appears in pretty much every single Discworld book with the exception of The Wee Free Men and Snuff. This is unsurprising given his job, which is of course to usher souls from one world into the next. There is quite a bit of death on the Discworld, so for the most part he’s kept pretty busy.
Death has an irrepressible fascination with humans that often lands him in trouble, usually with the Auditors of Reality — spectral beings that like to mess with The Rules, such as stopping time so that they can catch up with their paperwork. In attempting to understand human behaviour, Death often tries to emulate it — something else the Auditors can’t stand– but almost always misses the mark to endearingly hilarious effect. Despite being largely devoid of any emotion, Death is very passionate about certain things with a deeply ingrained sense of morality and duty. He has had to save the day multiple times just to keep the Discworld ticking along, making do with little to no thanks for the trouble. A true hero.
I’m also a big fan of Death’s aesthetic; as well as tapping into my fondness for morbidness and skulls, he wears a black cowl, carries a scythe, SPEAKS LIKE THIS, enjoys curries and absolutely adores cats. See? We’d get along splendidly.
Valkyrie Cain from Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy
Look, Top 10 Book Partners doesn’t have the same ring to it as Top 10 Book Boyfriends, all right? And Valkyrie is most definitely in my Top 10, so on the list she goes. Deal.
Valkyrie Cain (real name Stephanie Edgely), like Skulduggery, is the dual-protagonist in Derek Landy’s aforementioned Skulduggery Pleasant series. Although she is just twelve years old in the first book (bear with me), she blossoms across nine books into a 21-year-old fireball throwing, shadow-wielding, lightning-charged badass. With a wit to rival Skulduggery’s and a fiery temper to boot, I fell in love with Valkyrie’s headstrong personality and no-nonsense attitude. Though she doesn’t suffer fools gladly and has a tendency to get bored with her romances very quickly, she is supremely loyal to her friends and family and there’s nothing she won’t do to help them.
You might get a wild, passionate fling with Valkyrie if you can bring yourself to see past the aloof gothic ice-queen she presents herself as. Sadly however it’s Skulduggery who holds her heart in all the ways that matter, so you’ll probably just be left out in the cold.
We can but dream.
Knightshade Valerian from The Seelie Court by K.F. Goodacre
The last Book Boyfriend I have to tell you about is a bit different from the others. He doesn’t exist yet!
His name is Knightshade Valerian and he is a character in my writing partner’s upcoming middle grade fantasy novel, The Elder Throne, the first book in The Equinox Trilogy and The Seelie Court series.
Being born to both a Seelie and an Unseelie parent — the latter of whom betrayed her army by defecting to the other side — Knightshade has suffered prejudice all his life. He has had to work ten times as hard to earn his position as Commander of the Seelie army (what with his mother being a known traitor and all) and despite all the bullying and routine humiliation he suffers even as an adult, he is nothing short of brave, honest, kind and good. Though a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield, he never raises his voice or starts a fight. He also has an hilariously misplaced sense of morality when it comes to women, mostly because he doesn’t know how to talk to them. I find his fusty awkwardness incredibly endearing.
Like I said, Knightshade technically doesn’t exist because K.F. Goodacre is currently in the final editing stages of her book, but I am very confident you will meet him soon and I sincerely hope you love him as much as I do. He’s very much the type of man you want to take home to meet your mother, although to be honest, you probably don’t want to meet his…
Dumped Book Boyfriends:
No relationship is set in stone. Here are some Book Boyfriends that I’ve mentioned in the past, but have since moved on from to make way for new ones. Alas, alack etc.
Andevai Diarisso Haranwy from Spiritwalker by Kate Elliott
I can barely remember anything that happened in Kate Elliott’s historical-fantasy steampunk mash-up beyond the fact that I loved Mr Dar– sorry, I mean Andevai. From what I remember, the protagonist Cat Barahal is forced to marry Andevai in order to uphold some kind of bargain between her family and his. How romantic…
Except that it is, because what follows is a truly wonderful “hatemance” filled with catty remarks, fierce rebuttals and witty repartees. Initially cold and exceedingly arrogant, Andevai eventually softens as his love for Cat grows, if a little too quickly for my liking. The chemistry he and Cat have when they fight is nothing short of spectacular and my heart skipped a beat every time he appeared on the scene. Plus he built her a bed to take her virginity on. A bed, People. He built her a frikkin’ bed.
My writing partner read the first book in the trilogy, Cold Magic, and absolutely hated it. But she does remember really liking Andevai, so there you go. Such is the level of his sex appeal.
He built her a bed…
And that’s everyone! I hope you enjoyed reading about my Book Boyfriends. Who knows, perhaps we unwittingly share a few? Do please tell. I love a bit of gossip…
Be sure to check out all the authors mentioned above by visiting the following websites:
None of the images contained in this post are mine. Where possible, I have provided a source (click the image to view). If you own any of these images and are not comfortable with me sharing them here, please do not hesitate to contact me and I will endeavour to find a substitute!
Veteran indie author Michelle Lowe gave me a free eBook copy of her seventh book Legacy — the first in a seven-part Steampunk series — in exchange for an honest review. Not wanting to let the author down (and I must apologise to Michelle for taking so long to get around to reading it as well; I generally don’t do well reading books off of computer screens), I was really delighted when Legacy turned out to be a well-written, fast-paced adventure that takes place across both sides of the English Channel. It features a whole host of well-illustrated characters that I couldn’t help but love.
Archie Norwich, son of the nobleman Tarquin Norwich, is sent out by his father to find the notorious Pierce Landcross — a wanted fugitive and a thief. Tarquin wishes to interrogate Landcross on the location of the mysterious toymaker Indigo Peachtree and his even more mysterious journal which contains the key to world domination. Accompanying Archie, Pierce and Tarquin in their race for the journal are Archie’s plucky and resourceful sister Clover, his troubled alcoholic brother Ivor, Pierce’s possessed brother Joaquin, an airship manned by Apache slave-liberators, gypsy travellers, vampires and more.
Without a doubt, Michelle’s beloved anti-hero steals the show. Pierce Landcross is the absolute highlight of this book with his debonair wit, glittering cleverness and inconvenient moral compass that gets him both into and out of scrapes with reckless abandon. He played well off of the staunchly uptight, feckless Archie, whom I wanted to strangle several times, and both he and Archie had a really endearing relationship with Archie’s little sister Clover. Michelle is really good at “show don’t tell” when it comes to her writing, and she isn’t afraid to knock her characters about a bit either. Characterisation is definitely her greatest strength.
For me personally the plot was a little bit all over the place. Whilst being fun and really quite complex with a lot of twists and turns to keep me guessing, we did end up travelling great distances across the country from one place to another without any major inconveniences. Everyone seemed to know straight away where their targets were (this is discounting Mother of Craft’s supernatural hints to Tarquin) and were able to find each other just a little too easily despite being miles apart. There were also a couple of points that threw me out of the story completely, such as the baffling Prologue (we never hear from Jack Pack and Thooranu again) and the mysterious Mother Of Craft, although her role will most likely play out in later books. World-building was also regrettably thin on the ground, the Steampunk elements in particular being quite downplayed; the Apache airship was the only real tell that I was able to pick up on and I think Michelle can definitely afford to up the ante in later books.
Overall I really enjoyed Legacy and feel it sets up the series very well. I really loved all the characters and thought Michelle’s writing was tight and nicely paced, completely devoid of purple prose and overly long sentences that notoriously bog down the fantasy genre. I recommend it for anyone looking for well-written, fast and rollicking adventure. I am really looking forward to Book 2, and I hope to actually buy a copy this time!
For more information on Michelle Lowe and the world of Legacy, please visit the below links: